I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
