My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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