can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
wow bdsm is so cute
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
