THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I wear drunk well.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
