Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You should frame my arrest warrant.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize