Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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