i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
