I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
