How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
