In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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