is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
