Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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