Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize