My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
