Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
