My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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