If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
