I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Sext me about skeletons
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
