I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
