i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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