Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
