Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
