Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
