She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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