Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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