This is not my ceiling
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
