Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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