and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
