Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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