explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I understand Curling. That high.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize