2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
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I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
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It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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