Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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