$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
