I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
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you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
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It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.