i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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