Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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