Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
