Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize