I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
