the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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