She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
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If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
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He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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