Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
