Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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