he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just high enough for therapy.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
