69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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