my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
