I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
