im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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