And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Found the puke drawer
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
