I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
