Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
