I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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