i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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