apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
