She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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