Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i was born a porn star she said
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
