Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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