apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
