Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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