If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
