I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
