I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
How does one acquire holy water?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
