I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
