Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.