i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
