i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
