i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist