Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.