She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?