Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(856): View more from New Jersey

I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.

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(856): I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full. http://tfl.nu/pi6t

Replies (106) Good night (5306) Bad night (884)
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(913): View more from Kansas

Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!

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(913): Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life! http://tfl.nu/nhg0

Replies (22) Good night (1284) Bad night (3058)
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(250): View more from British Columbia

Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.

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(250): Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward. http://tfl.nu/w09f

Replies (36) Good night (736) Bad night (8443)
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(541): View more from Oregon

I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.

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(541): I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him. http://tfl.nu/i7hv

Replies (32) Good night (980) Bad night (4997)
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(248): View more from Michigan

Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number

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(248): Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number http://tfl.nu/nl2y

Replies (20) Good night (6564) Bad night (1036)
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(734): View more from Michigan

Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?

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(734): Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life? http://tfl.nu/8b6j

Replies (20) Good night (4292) Bad night (1036)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand

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(202): I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand http://tfl.nu/1ole

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(440): View more from Ohio

well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.

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(440): well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them. http://tfl.nu/xftj

Replies (6) Good night (3362) Bad night (873)
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(231): View more from Michigan

My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....

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(231): My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness.... http://tfl.nu/k1tt

Replies (5) Good night (2751) Bad night (687)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.

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(+44): This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats. http://tfl.nu/c5o0

Replies (14) Good night (981) Bad night (2219)
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(415): View more from California

theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?

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(415): theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours? http://tfl.nu/bjo4

Replies (5) Good night (1004) Bad night (759)
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(248): View more from Michigan

I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo

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(248): I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo http://tfl.nu/bfzl

Replies (4) Good night (937) Bad night (453)
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(614): View more from Ohio

You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore

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(614): You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore http://tfl.nu/weu9

Replies (3) Good night (735) Bad night (267)
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(323): View more from California

Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...

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(323): Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow... http://tfl.nu/iqf2

Replies (5) Good night (1170) Bad night (260)
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(+61): View more from Australia

A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM

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(+61): A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM http://tfl.nu/lo1g

Replies (2) Good night (569) Bad night (184)

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