its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
