Texts From Last Night

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  (425): View more from Washington

  my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.

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  (425): my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired. http://tfl.nu/08pz
  Replies (4) Good night (944) Bad night (2050)
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  (914): View more from New York

  She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.

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  (914): She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet. http://tfl.nu/d6lo
  Replies (17) Good night (3929) Bad night (709)
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  (845): View more from New York

  its like an ocean threw up right in your lap

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  (845): its like an ocean threw up right in your lap http://tfl.nu/b2xa
  Replies (6) Good night (614) Bad night (2643)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up

  (1-502): View more from Kentucky

  basic color theory

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  (502): apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up (1-502): basic color theory http://tfl.nu/ff46
  Replies (14) Good night (1192) Bad night (3497)
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode

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  (321): I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode http://tfl.nu/96an
  Replies (6) Good night (957) Bad night (3232)
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.

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  (209): Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work. http://tfl.nu/af2i
  Replies (5) Good night (3890) Bad night (821)
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.

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  (302): Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace. http://tfl.nu/xnkm
  Replies (9) Good night (881) Bad night (2822)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you

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  (717): well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours (484): andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you http://tfl.nu/ooyd
  Replies (17) Good night (4254) Bad night (1309)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell

  (816): View more from Missouri

  please tell me you are kidding me

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  (913): i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell (816): please tell me you are kidding me http://tfl.nu/zfgp
  Replies (22) Good night (1635) Bad night (4870)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex

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  (517): I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex http://tfl.nu/ieaq
  Replies (14) Good night (2506) Bad night (882)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Glad to hear you raised your standards

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  (720): Not even desperate vagina wants small cock. (303): Glad to hear you raised your standards http://tfl.nu/lulg
  Replies (8) Good night (2965) Bad night (862)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  What bar did i puke in last night

  (1-412): View more from Pennsylvania

  by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on

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  (412): What bar did i puke in last night (1-412): by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on http://tfl.nu/6tef
  Replies (4) Good night (842) Bad night (1158)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.

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  (630): First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out. http://tfl.nu/rcq3
  Replies (11) Good night (776) Bad night (455)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night

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  (248): So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night http://tfl.nu/96c5
  Replies (5) Good night (342) Bad night (818)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead

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  (973): I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead http://tfl.nu/zr0a
  Replies (0) Good night (396) Bad night (212)

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