I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
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no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
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Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"